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Sep 17, 2023

Chelsea Handler Admits Threesome with Masseuse That "Left Her Really Turned On" Caused High

On Wednesday, the comedian, 48, chatted with Andy Cohen on his SiruisXM radio

On Wednesday, the comedian, 48, chatted with Andy Cohen on his SiruisXM radio show about the threesome she had with the couple's masseuse — and how that was the beginning of the end of her relationship with Tred Harbert, former NBC Chairman.

"I was very turned on by this woman," she said. "I ended up hooking up with her several times without the guy that I was dating," Handler revealed.

Just another example of the old adage being true. If there are three of you cumming, one will end up going.

I'll be honest. I'm not a threesome guy. Never have. Never will be. The idea of 4 tits being in the same room is just too much. Plus, I love love.

That being said, I do not begrudge those who enjoy doin a little bit of everybody. That's nice. It's sweet. Some would even say that's beautiful but it just goes to show you that masseuses are not to be trusted. They know what they are doing. Rubbing their oiled-up hands up the length of your creamy hammies and getting the blood flowing.

You start to feel a lump in your throat and then your pants.

You think:

Is this part of it? Is this what happens? Should I be laying here with extremely large boxers while being covered in soap with her hand on my junk? Is this normal? Am I about to fuck?

Sometimes you do; sometimes you don't but on those times that you do, enjoy! That's what masseuses do. They get ya goin. They get the knots out. They make you feel horny. Why do you think there are essential oils in the air or water jugs with cucumbers and limes in there? It's to loosen you all the way up.

When you fall into that honey trap, it's over. It's over. It's over for the day and for the relationship because you simply cannot show that you enjoy one lover in your mouth more than the other. If you do, look out. There will be a breakup and subsequently, your breakup and the embarrassment that comes along with that will be on a huge youtube show and people will be, once again, talkin about your sexual escapades of which there are many.

In summary, Chelsea handler fucks. Always has and always will.